Deep In My Heart I Know

Blake and Elyse were very excited to create this image with me. They had spent a lot of time thinking about how they wanted to express their love for each other. Many ideas had been explored, and in the end, one encapsulated them all. That deep in their hearts they know. Each of them, in their own ways, explained that in moments of stillness, when they can slow down and feel their depths, they know that they love each other.

That being said, it was important for them to express to me that things aren’t always perfect in their relationship. A big part of “I know” for them is being able to communicate gracefully and explore what triggered them when things come up. But the bottom line is that when things get tough, each of them seems to be able to check in with themselves and find that, deep inside, they know. They have surrendered to the love they feel, and trust deeply in each other. This has allowed a certain faith to emerge. Additionally, they each describe a deep feeling of being seen and accepted for who they truly are.

Unfortunately, my experience of creating this image with Blake and Elyse was in marked contrast to their happiness. I was in an odd mood and I was tired because I had shot another image earlier in the afternoon. I just couldn’t settle in and enjoy the process of creating an image about love with this enraptured couple. Also, if I’m going to be honest with my feelings I’ll have to admit that their bubble of happiness triggered negative reactions in me; I worry that I will never find that happiness for myself. I yearn for it so strongly and at times it feels so distant. To be around blissfully happy couples can be hard for me.

It’s a fine line that I walk as these photos aren’t about my love per se but I very much have to have my heart in it. It just so happened that this particular night I couldn’t muster up the depth and connection that lies at the center of these images. While I regret that, I am also happy with the final result. It’s a testament to the fact that sometimes deep connection goes beyond anything that can be explained and reaches a place of faith.

Click here to see a portrait of Blake & Elyse.